There is no perfect rule to make a marriage work. We try our own permutations and combinations, we stumble, we fall, then suddenly something works and we decide to add it to our list of 'dos' while we sweep the others into the carton named 'don'ts'. Every couple has different sets of dos and don'ts. A few nights ago, I was in conversation with a few married girlfriends and this is what Sangeeta Verma had to say. Yes, no one can give you a perfect formula, but we believe that if keep a watch over the following, life does get easier.
Marriage is always a sweet dream when you are in your teens, of being part of as perfect a couple as one sees in movies, of being loved by that one person whom you are yet to meet, of being together, laughing together without being stressed or disturbed by any external factors.
And then one fine day, when you are actually married you realize it’s no more a Bollywood movie. Life gets a new meaning. You get a new identity. In each other's vicinity, deep diving in love, you are just in verge of realizing that your dream has come true. This is the time you are struck with the realities of being married.
Your relationship is in your hands - It's not always love, there are going to be disputes over small matters. Marriage works when one gets into the reason of those disputes and comes up with a resolution making sure that it's not repeated. If disputes are over house being a mess like shoes in one corner, socks elsewhere, newspaper not in place, times like these when things get on your nerves, ask yourself one question - What are we fighting over, non-living things???
Communication - Always try to have the ‘US' time where you can discuss all the goods and a bit of the bads too. Least you can do is trying and correct your negativity or make his negativity your positive point. That's what is meant by completing each other.
Finances - Time is never the same. Today you are healthy and wealthy; tomorrow there might be crisis. When you had a good financial stand, you both were a happy couple. At the time of crisis, what changes? Should anything change between the two of you? No. Supporting each other in every situation, that's what marriage is all about.
Privacy - No matter how stressed are you, no matter how bad your mood is, no matter what your relation with his parents is, never ever bring those external factors into your private zone. A mantra to happy marriage is understanding each other's mental and physical needs.
Personal Space - Everyone needs that personal space without any interference, otherwise relations start getting suffocating.
Think before you share - Better weigh your words before you speak to each other. Not necessarily during day to day life. You never know which word might take a form of possessiveness. At the same, do not hide important matters. The more open you are about your relationship the better life is.
Compromise - You may agree or may not agree to each other's perspective in life. Remember that every individual is different and compromise is the key. Work towards mutual understanding; it doesn't always mean you'll have to kill your own individuality.
Romance - Most importantly, never let the romance fade; stealing a moment, a peck, a hug, cooking together, roaming or even window shopping, romantic dates, beautiful surprises. Just grab the moment whenever possible, taking out time for each other from the busy schedule matters a lot.
Disclaimer: We, my friends and I have been married for only a few years. We are either in love marriages where both are poles apart; or in arranged marriages where it's more about others than the couple. In all, we feel we are doing decent. We are not preaching, we are just talking about what works for us and what doesn't. That's all there is to these posts.