You had a fight with your partner just before you left for work. You had a frown on your face, all the way to office and as soon as you got out of the elevator, an office trainee bumps into you. You snap at her. A few minutes later you hear her calling you a *meanie* to her friend. You walk up to her and yell at her, "Before calling people names, find out where they are coming from! Don't. Judge. Me."
You are tweeting emo 18 hours a day. Your tweets seem partly suicidal. After three days of reading all that, someone asks you to relax and go get a life. You snap at them, saying they have no clue what you are going through and they have no business judging you here.
Fair enough? NO.
Don't mix judging with forming an opinion about you based on how you are reflecting yourself. Assuming that a person is of a particular religion, so shall behave in a stereotyped manner is judging. Assuming that a person is a man so will lech, or a person is a woman so will be a bad driver, is judging. Seeing a fat person and assuming that they overeat, is judging. Making fun at people's physical attributes like maybe, thick lips/big forehead/thick nose is judging ~ behind that face might be a person better than you can ever be.
Generalising is judging. Generalising without any provocation is judging. One cannot go around misbehaving with everyone they meet and then say I come from a broken family. A stranger wouldn't know your family problems. A stranger would have their own problems, as well. Does it mean that they can misbehave with you as well, coz hey! we are not judging anyone!?
One thing today's youth is quick to blurt out is *MaH lIfE, mAh RulEs. DoNn JuDgE mE*. Really? So if you think it's okay to dress inappropriately, bunk college and make an ass of yourself, no one can dare to correct you? Because, it's your life? Judging that you need help (or maybe some caning) would be wrong? Oh, please!
I will never, ever judge you based on how your parents are, what locality you grew up in, what school you went to, how much you scored. But I might judge you if you don't respect your parents, if you misbehave with elders, you lie, or you cheat. I might judge you if your parents sent you to the best school in town, but you still can't form a correct sentence in either English or Hindi.
I will never judge you if you are dark or fair, but not taking care of your skin is not right either. I will never judge you if you are fat or thin, but over-eating as well as forever dieting is not right. I will never judge you if you don't speak to me in English, speak to me in what you are comfortable with. I will not judge you for being the person you are .... but, please do not behave as your mind finds fit, and then blame it on your past & problems.
Judging is wrong. Very wrong. But hiding behind it and trying to get out of all your bad behaviours is equally wrong. Yes, I would never know your story until I have walked in your shoes. The same holds true for you. But, this is a society we live in and a certain amount of decorum is expected. Please don't use your life's bad experience as an excuse for your poor behaviour.
'Coz if you do that, I might judge you.
Use your life's experience to make yourself a better person, not a pain in everyone's ass.
Disclaimer: I know the above has counter-points as well, and a few valid ones too. While I would love to know everyone's fair view on this, please do no pick one or two rare scenarios as an argument. This is a very general post and has nothing to do with anyone living, dead or hanging somewhere in between.
I shall be writing another post on the flipside ~ why not to judge. Umm, soon! :-)