Saturday, September 8, 2012

Chronicles of a married life - I

This morning, while flipping channels, I halted on this segment showing Rishi Kapoor's and Neetu Singh's lives with each other, from dating to being married, to today. Of course, the cute couple that they are, I wanted to see it all.


What the segment spoke about, surprised me. A bit. Apparently, Rishi had stated that if Neetu put on any weight, he'll have extra marital affair(s). Wow! Not a surprise that she still remains so fit, and he, and old bag of flesh. What struck me was the man's audacity to stake such a claim. But then, why won't he? His woman took it lying down. Would things have been different had she retaliated back then? She did leave his home to live separately for almost a decade, in between!

We look at a married couple, see them looking happy at that very moment and assume their's is a happy marriage. We catch a couple at one weak moment, when their expressions show frustration, and we categorise them as unhappily married. I believe, I too must have been so judgemental, until I lived this life.

Unless the marriage involves cheating or abuse of any kind, believe me, they are all happy. And, unhappy. 

There was a time not so long ago, when having been unwell for a while, I had put on an insane amount of weight. At the moment, when I was at my worst, a 50+ neighbour uncle, had asked my husband, "Arranged marriage?" Rest of the family being around, started telling him how ours is a love marriage and how diverse our backgrounds and personalities are. I, sat there amused. All that went through my mind was, "This man is sure ours is an arranged marriage, because ... because of the way I look, and he is sure, S couldn't have fallen in love with me, but I got some fat dowry instead."

Amusing? Actually yes. What I look and how much I had put on, has been changing over the time, nearing normalcy. But, that man's mindset won't change. Not just him, unless the couple compliments each other in looks, we categorise them as forced to marry and obviously, not happy with each other.

See a couple with odd working hours, and they are immediately categorised as coping to keep the marriage apart. I know couples who've lived continents apart, the love and longing intact in their hearts, but society terming them as separated. 

Every marriage is a different story. What works for one can never work for the other person. Why? Because we all are different? Blend of two characters will spark various reactions. Being the woman, I would want to say that, a woman sacrifices the most. Yes, visibly, she does. She gives up the life she grew up in, lifestyle she was used to, moves away from friends and family, and, makes big-n-small sacrifices every day. But, it's really the man who makes bigger sacrifices. 

Why? Because, he wasn't brought up being told he has to compromise. Once in a marriage, a man who wants to make it work, a man who wants to see the smile on his wife's face always be, a man who wants to be the reason of a successful marriage, starts making changes in himself. Of course, he has to be hand held in the entire process, remember, this is all new to him. A man, however old and mature, will always be a child. But, as long as he is willing to see things from the right approach, all the wife needs to do is, guide him. That makes it easier for marriages to work. 

This morning I was talking to another married friend and we were sharing perspectives. This got me thinking, the world is full of misconceptions about married couples. I'l be writing more on this topic, from time to time, adding viewpoints of other couples, as well.

 - S

7 comments:

  1. I can always add... Aftrt all, I'm @BanGayaKutta... Hahaha...

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    Replies
    1. I'l rope you in for that, whenever I feel really sad for the husbands :P

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  2. I've always been amazed or rather intrigued by the concept of arranged marriages. I've always wondered what is it that motivates two people, two complete strangers to come and start a new life together and then be dedicated enough to this completely different life. I also wonder at times if arranged marriage is just getting married for the sake of getting married and whether people are really happy.

    But I guess you're right, every marriage has a different story that only they'll know.

    Will wait for more :)

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  3. so true. Its the man who sacrifices or compros the most. I luv to sacrifice n compromise for my wife just to see her smile. I have seen many who run big business, earn big money, spend lavish, roam around the world but the relation with their spouse is bad and sometimes worst. Today, after reading this, i realise that i may be wrong. Yes, all marriages are happy. And, unhappy sometimes.

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    1. the man sacrifices the most? sorry, totally disagree. then his wife doesn't love him at all. it has to be a two way street :)

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  4. I was just sitting and reading the post attentively. I never thought much of marriage etc (becz the age is def. not right yet hah!) but I liked your viewpoint. And of course, the phrase "I know couples who've lived continents apart, the love and longing intact in their hearts," gave me strength you know. :)

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    1. love will work, S .. as long as both want it to work. continents, religions, food habits, nothing can stop it from working. u stay put, the girl makes you look good in couple pix ;-)

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